Breastfeeding mothers tend to be more attached and attuned to their babies. Nature intended it to be this way. Humans are “carry” mammals, like marsupials and apes, and require constant contact and unrestricted access to the breast.
Gabrielle Palmer, author of The Politics of Breastfeeding, writes that we are so overwhelmed with bottle feeding imagery and are so used to the way bottle fed babies are treated that we feel we have to override our instincts. This can happen when we hear advice about “spoiling” a baby and “crying it out,” not to mention questions about whether a baby is “sleeping through the night,” among the well-meaning-but-often-inappropriate comments given by people who bottle-fed their babies (and who are likely not fully informed themselves).
In case you haven’t heard, you can’t spoil a baby. In fact, letting a baby cry it out can be very harmful. Babies wants are the same as their needs up until about the time they can stick things in their mouth that they are not supposed to have. Newborns especially have just a few basic ones: they want to be fed from their mothers’ breasts, they want to be comfortable (clean and warm), and they want to feel safe. Nowhere feels safer than skin-to-skin contact with the center of their universe-- their love, their world, their habitat: their mother. Nowhere feels less safe to a baby than being out of human contact. They literally have no idea if their mother is ever coming back. Newborns are in a trust/mistrust mode: if their needs are met, they learn to trust and become more independent children and adults. If these needs are not met, they learn they can’t trust their parents. Crying isn’t manipulation, it’s communication, and the reason it tears our heart out to hear a baby cry is because we are hardwired to respond. If we don’t respond, babies go onto a despair/survival mode in order to conserve energy and protect themselves from marauding tigers.
This brings me back to my original point. I have noticed that most mothers leave their babies in car seats the entire time they are in the clinic. I have less of a problem when a baby is sleeping, but what about when the baby is crying? Besides the health risks of car seats, how can we convince moms that jiggling the car seat is not what the child wants? A formula feeding mother will most likely pop a bottle in the baby’s mouth (many issues here) but even the breastfeeding mother is often reluctant to hold her own baby even –or especially- when he cries. How do we affirm and inform?
Here is my latest strategy: If I am talking to a mom, and her baby starts to wake up and fuss in the car seat, as soon as she starts to jiggle with no intent to pick up I say, “You don’t have to keep her in there because of me! Go ahead and pick her up!” Mom picks her up, and I will comment on how much happier baby is with mother, or how the mother is her baby’s favorite person, or something else positive. This has worked well so far, and mom will often comment that she doesn’t want to “spoil” her baby. What better opening could I have for a little “you can’t spoil your baby” education? So far, the mothers I have talked to have felt happy and relieved when I pass along this information. First time mothers especially, which are the ones I see most often, can always use extra encouragement, especially at the beginning. Telling them that the science supports their instincts will help them keep their baby happy, support their breastfeeding relationship, and pave the way for any future children they may have. Secondary strategy: Super-glue the car seat to the inside of the car.
